Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
