He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize