I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
