Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
