talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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