worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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