Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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