how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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