Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
