My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
