My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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