I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
