His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
