I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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