Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
where are you?
Hypothermia
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
