At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize