I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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