sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
