I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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