Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize