Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
