Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
