I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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