shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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