she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
