remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
