pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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