I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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