Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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