She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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