I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
