My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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