Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we're making bets on your personal life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want nice things and good sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
