I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Life is so much better after having sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
