Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
