how can u be prego again
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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