I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
