So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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