you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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