no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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