It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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