your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize