Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
