it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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