I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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