he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
