I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
