i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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