The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
