I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
