I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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