I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
