She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize