But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
