he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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