im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
