Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
