its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
