You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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