Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
