Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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