What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
