He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need water and some morals
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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