They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
