real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize