speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
